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Random Post #2 _ 8.26.12

My boyfriend has been on a no-carb diet for the last few months.

On one hand, I am proud of him and am so happy that he’s on it (YAY! no more of him asking if we can eat bread, pizza, and pasta – I am not a fan), but on the other hand, I feel like he’s gotten way too skinny – he’s lost almost 45 pounds in five months (9 pounds a month).

That was my side note. My real rambling? I am sort of on a low-carb thing (sushi and Friday – Saturdays are exceptions, of course!), as a side effect of us living together. I am ashamed to admit this, and I would never say this out loud, but I have begun to judge food. It’s horrible. Every time I see food in front of my face or I see food photography, I begin to think to myself “that’s a carb. that’s not a carb. grosssss carbs.” Or, when I eat carbs, I feel so gross with myself for eating it and want to run on the treadmill at 8.0 speed (which I can do now because my boyfriend likes to train me like he’s Trainer Bob from The Biggest Loser). It leaves me wondering, does anyone else judge food like this?

Random Post #1 _ 8.26.12

Everyday, I need a dose of my The Lumineers. Ever since I saw them in concert (Williamsburg no less – so hipster of me), I am a true believer of their voice, talent (each person plays about 5 instruments!), and charisma to take over the charts. I am obsessed with them, and I hope the rest of the world will follow suit. I feel like a proud mama – I have heard their songs recently in a Blue Moon commercial, a Bing commercial, and Vh1 You Oughta Know Live commercial. My roomie has even been creepily tracking their uptick in search (she uses their “fame growth” as a SEO teaching lesson in her monthly class)!

Can they just be super famous already?

Personally Posting

So a ton has changed in my life since last I posted. My life unbelievably flipped, and while initially I thought my world was coming crashing down around me inception style– some horrible dream I just could not snap out of– turns out it has been for the better.

Bluntly, my relationship of 10 years ended. That’s 10. It is so many years I no longer need to write-out the number. For more perspective, 10 years is 40% of my lifetime. It was abrupt and almost like a death. I mourned my past life, convinced that my entire identity was dissolving. At the crux of my sadness was a lot of insecurity. The kind of self-doubt that suffocates. I believed I was ugly and unlovable. I thought I was much too strange to date and did not think I would be capable of loving again. On top of that, my ex was very closely tied to my last experiences with my mother. It would be impossible for me to erase this relationship without inadvertently erasing the remnants of my mother in my mind. To say the least, it was tough. Two or three weeks later I threw myself into socialization, spontaneity and above all else finding a new apartment to escape from the confines of pain I felt every moment I spent in the apartment I built for my ex and I with longevity in mind. I drank too much, did not sleep, did not eat. All told, I lost 15 lbs in a month and very nearly hit rock bottom.

It’s incredible the way humans support one another and empathize with pain. At the lowest point, I truly did not think I had anyone left in my court. My father was busy, occupied with a woman who was not my mother, and my brother was leaving shortly to travel around the world to Uganda! Still, friends came out of the woodwork, showing support, never aggravated no matter how irrational I was. They provided much needed distractions and I am forever indebted to them, probably more than they will ever know.

While looking for my new abode, I was fated to meet someone new. My mindset at the time was to do whatever felt right– to fully embrace what life had to offer and not be fearful of consequences. With that, I engaged in a rather aggressive casual flirtation with none other than my real estate agent. ha! Luckily for me, he is neither rapist, nor woman-hater. In fact, he’s rather devoid of any dysfunction, especially compared to most of the men I knew up to that point. He is so comfortable with himself and confident that I had no expectations he would have any interest in me. Surprisingly, we were very honest with each other from the start– no games. This led to the epiphany that would quite literally rock my world. I looked inward to diagnose all the pieces of my life. Was this just a rebound? Am I still hung up on my ex? Am I ready for any of this? The conclusion I came to was that I had deluded myself into thinking my old relationship was salvageable.  It was more out of fear of the unknown that I shut out life, and felt so terrible about myself. I spent years hurt and angry, no passion, just resentment. Allowing myself to continue in that way was an injustice. I have always pioneered for women. I could identify when other women were being mishandled, and yet was blind to the disrespect I had for myself. It was with this realization that a weight lifted. I am not sure the last time I felt so happy.

To clarify though, my ex is not a bad person. He and I were both extremely dysfunctional together. We were together too young and harbored bitterness from the mistakes of our youth. He is still my very best friend and I will always want the very best for him. It is only now I can see we are far more beneficial to each other merely as friends.

Now, I am branching out and trying many new things. One such thing is climbing, indoor and outdoor. Every day, I’m itching to do more, even when my muscles physically cannot move. I am becoming increasingly physical and I love it. When I was growing up, I was always the tom-boy type, ready to try anything. Finally, I am getting back to that. I am making plans I look forward to eagerly. Even when I do not plan, I am doing things I love. Just two days ago, I walked from Central Sq to Kendall back over the bridge to Back Bay on a whim at midnight in the rain. I am not entirely sure what it is about that, but it makes me feel reconnected to being a human. I’m not numbing life with reality programming, drowning my sorrows in tubs of fat, sheltered in an air conditioned home. At this moment, I am enlivened.

Here’s to a new chapter in my life. Here’s to feeling everything with my fingertips. Here’s to love. Here’s to life.

Not that I struggle a ton with my identity, in fact I am pretty confident in my skin, but in a society where people are most comfortable when they can categorize, box and label people, I am amiss with which bucket I am dropped into. Also, with my 25th birthday steadily approaching, I wonder, if faced with a life or death choice, which to categorize myself?

What three words would your friends use to describe you?
Putting aside the flattery which I assume inevitable: Hilarious, Inappropriate, Bitchy, I’ve definitely been described as the following:

  • Vegetarian– This one is probably most perplexing. While I am very content eating tofu, soy protein and tempeh until I explode, I absolutely scarf down meat. Hello, hot-pot, Short-ribs please! I am the chair of my company’s green team and spout ecologically friendly non-sense to all that will listen. Next Friday, I’m taking over my company’s beer time and making them drink eco-friendly beer. I suppose this could be construed as vegetarian…
  • “Granola Child” Hippie– The tree-huggin’, granola eatin’, guitar carryin’, no deodorant wearin’ kind. Ok, GUILTY. I’ve been known to hug a few trees, whilst eating granola. Related to my point earlier, I’m all about the Earth. I play the guitar and through the magic of genetics I don’t need deodorant. I probably should wear some though because my ever-lovin friends could be lying to me about how I smell.

  • Martha Stewart Craft Types– This woman is my idol. That financial rebel with her knack for making ponchos, even in jail. Whoa buddy, if I got to beat some dough with Jim Cramer… life fulfilled!  I have neither the cooking skills nor income to create the table spreads that Martha is capable of, but reading her magazines is like life porn. One day, if I read enough Apartment Therapy articles, I will attain a shred of her awesomeness.
  • Hipster– It literally took me two hours to figure out which hipster I was. I am for sure not the stereotypical hipster who wears ironic shirts and mainlines PBR into her body. I don’t have a minimum-wage job, I don’t think I’m über cool, yet pretend I am anti-cool. I’m not particularly fashionable and I listen to indie-folk music that everyone has probably heard of. BUT, and this is a pretty substantial but, I do encompass these tell-tale traits which are identifiers of the D.I.Y Hipster:
  1. I am a very serious coffee drinker. I could spend days hanging out in coffee shops. I go to as many different and new coffee shops no matter where I visit. It’s my thing, I suppose; some people collect stamps, I journal the cafes I go to.
    Currently, my favorite cafes in the Boston radius are:
    Crema
    (Harvard Sq.) for best overall
    Voltage
    (Kendall sq.) for best espresso drinks
    Cafe on the Common (Waltham) for best brewed coffee
    I currently live in Southie, which is where coffee goes to die. No, really, I went to several highly rated “cafes” to try them out. Between the assortment of flavored coffees and iced coffee default options, I was sorely disappointed. It’s like Dunkin’ Donuts and a convenient store had ugly coffee babies. Still, I managed to find one viable option: American Provisions, which is more organic grocery store than cafe. Decent brewed coffee + kind personable owners, something I could get behind.
  2. I’m all about crafting things that are kitschy, from making art out of paint chips to making scarves from t-shirts. I read these blogs daily for inspiration: Bloesem, A Beautiful Mess
  3. I shop at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. My Lucas is Gluten-Free, so that’s new. Learning how to make a lot of food from this amazing website, Gluten Free Goddess.
  4. I wear two types of eye-ware: Thick-rimmed glasses and these bad boys:
  5. On any given day I style myself similarly to this well-known face:

    Not always flattering, but it makes me happy. 🙂

Well there you go, readers, I fall somewhere into those groups.

Anyway, Happy Easter, y’all!

UNO – Laura Marling:

Is an English folk musician from Eversley, Hampshire.Initially prominent within the London folk scene, she has also toured with a number of well-known indie artists in the UK. Her debut album Alas, I Cannot Swim and her second album I Speak Because I Can were nominated for the Mercury Music Prize in 2008 and 2010 respectively. She won Best Female Solo Artist at the 2011 Brit Awards.

I’ve like every song I’ve heard by her so far.  Beautiful, really, makes all artists on the Top 40 shameful.

DOS – Ben Sollee

cellist and vocalist known for his percussive playing style, genre hopping songwriting, wide appeal, and political activism. His music incorporates banjo, guitar, percussion and unusual cello techniques to create a unique mix of folk, bluegrass, jazz and R&B.

Cellos ooze cool. You might not know it yet, but they do. They just ooze it as if Shredder himself poured the cool sounds straight into the sewers of my mind. Ben Sollee takes it to a new level differentiating himself from cello players like Yo-Yo Ma and making it socially acceptable for me to love cellos all over the place.

TRES- Jenny Owen Youngs

Her album Batten the Hatches was self-released in 2005. In 2006, a song from that album, “Fuck Was I”, appeared in the second season premiere of Showtime’s Weeds, resulting in Batten the Hatches being re-released on April 10, 2007 with new artwork and an extra track (“Drinking Song”)] on the Canadian indie label Nettwerk. “Fuck Was I” was also released on Weeds: Music from the Original Series, Vol. 2.

She was introduced to me by a friend and caught my attention with her quirky style. Pretend you’re not tickled by “Hot in Herre” for once in your life.

Following Up

Become more active – culture, volunteer, crazy nyc events

I have started to do this. 🙂 In January, my roomie, boyfriend and I participated in the Improv Everywhere No Pants Subway Ride in 2012. You can see our pre-game faces here and below for our interim and end game faces! Jimmy is waiting at a station, looking normal. Beth and I are at 14th Street, the main stop. I have to work on my iPhone face 😦

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Sometime in February, we also went to see Fuerza Bruta. I have been wanting to see this show for over three years!  I saw it, and it was different from what I expected. I enjoyed the spontaneity and interactivity of the show, but I just wished the actors/actresses did more. I am the type of person who needs to know that there is a concrete storyline  – beginning, middle, and end. This didn’t have that. Let me break it down for you: The two audience demos were: (A) the crazy, drunk college kids and (B) sophisticated, I am so into artistic expression, let me drink a glass of wine while watching 50 year olds. See the below? There were three girls in shirts and underwear running in the water above us, back and forth. Sometimes, this plastic thing would be lowered above our heads. Some guys would point their fingers in inappropriate places! These ladies swam for about 30 minutes. Prior to that, a man kept running into boxes made of paper for about another 30 minutes, and at one point, the actors walked into the audience and smashed them in the head with pizza boxes made of confetti and powder. As for the finale, they let the sprinklers loose and the audience could run under the sprinklers and dance! This part was funny. The college kids ran towards the water and danced in the “rain.” Some were even making out with their significant others. The older folks kind of stood back and watched, awkwardly.

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I went to my second restaurant week in NYC. I don’t know all of the foodie lingo so I will just say that the food at Megu was divine! There were three of us, so we just ordered everyone on the menu and shared. I meant to take a photo of the apps, but it was 9:15PM and 66% of us (me included) hadn’t had lunch so we gobbled that down.

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My room also has a NYC Bucket List on Google Docs. Next few definite adventures: Martinez VS. Macklin at MSG (first boxing match for me and JV), The Lumineers concert in Williamsburg (my roomie/i heard them on Hart of Dixie singing this song; listen to their other songs here), NY Pizza Run (I am making Jimmy participate in his first marathon, once I find out the date!). Any other suggestions, let me know, so that I can add it on our bucket list!

I haven’t found a volunteer opportunity that I am passionate about or that allows me to participate with my work schedule. I am still looking.

‘Remember it’s your life and you have to do what’s best for you’ 

I also started to do this one. I have changed agencies. Last Friday Night (2/24 at 12AM – or could that be considered 2/25? Yes, I stayed at work till MIDNIGHT on my last day!) was my last day at Horizon Media. I love Horizon Media and the people, and I have learned so, so, so much – sometimes, by trial and error, and other times, from amazingly smart people. This is a special, growing agency. Heck, as a jr., I got to recommend digital strategies to the client – anyone see this one in the news? I pushed my client to do this at the age of 23 (it is so amazing that anyone in their 20s can have that much power). Or has anyone seen this one? That’s my ex-senior quoted in the article. We all worked on this campaign, and overall performance was higher this year than prior years.  I will always have fond memories of Horizon. I have moved over to MediaVest nowwwwwwww, which is two streets away from my apartment. Literally, I leave home at 8:50ishAM and I am at work by 9:20AM (if I don’t stop by Starbucks, which is midpoint between my apt and my job)! I am still learning so no solid news here. This closeness, leads to me being able to get up at 7AM or 730AM and have solid gym time now (1 hr – 1 hr 30 mins) or get out of work and maybe have solid gym time too, pending on get out time. Or me, maybe experimenting with new things, like hot yoga (this has been on my mind lately. My old co-worker Danielle LOVED this and always talked about it) or taking up an before/after work activity, such as FILL IN THE BLANK.

Till next time, do you 🙂

             

I apologize for the tardiness of this entry!

2011 was an especially trying year. I usually make resolutions just for fun… not very gung-ho about it. This year, however, I’m going to be a bit more passionate about what I want. All I aspire to be is HAPPY. I don’t have high hopes for the new year… sad? Not at all. To be honest hoping hasn’t gotten me anywhere. This year will be all about ‘doing’. I don’t know that my efforts will bring me to where I want to be but hey, I will make the best of whatever comes my way.

 

HIGH:

1. I have a baby! His name is Kato and he’s a husky.

2. Moving with Christine (Elephant) and Lucas into a great place in Somerville, MA. I’m officially on my own!

3. First tattoo

4. Concerts, Shows, Museums, Friends.

5. I was in a movie! kinda, haha.

LOW:

1. Kato lost his tail in a freak accident. It involved him jumping out of a moving car.

2. Major relationship issues.

3.  Missed 2NE1 in NYC!!

4. Completely losing touch with dance.

5. Grandpa’s suicide.

IMPROVE:

1. Get: New job and maybe go for that Masters.

2. Visit family more frequently.

3. Write, Travel, Sing.

4. Learn how to play the piano or guitar.

5. Regain a positive mentality.